How college helped me realize success isn't just about hard work.
If I had to summarize my college experience into a single idea, “imposter syndrome” would be it. It’s like even though I was admitted to the university, I never felt like I was smart enough to be there. After lectures, I would hear classmates claim that they only studied test material for a few minutes before acing the latest midterm. I on the other hand found myself in the basement of the library studying until they threw me out in the early morning hours, and barely scraping by on the tests.
For the longest time, I would tell myself that if I only studied a little longer or forced myself to start at lecture notes one more time, it would make a difference. If I ever took a break, I would be torn with guilt. For two years, I ran myself into the ground with that mentality, eventually deciding that I should give up.
Fortunately, I did not. Once I got through that mental barrier of failure, something amazing happened.
The Great Awakening
I started taking only the classes I felt interested in. During lectures, I wouldn’t take notes. And I forced myself to stop feeling guilty about it. Instead, if any thoughts came to mind that stood out to me (even if they had nothing to do with the class) I would jot them down.
As random as it may sound, I started to realize that the notes I was taking were being written in cheap notebooks that would inevitably get thrown out at the end of the semester (and weighed down my backpack!). I decided that I wanted to try an alternative note-taking method.
I started typing my notes on Google Docs but quickly found that part of what helped me internalize ideas was writing them out by hand. This led me down a rabbit hole. I began using e-ink tablets, a discussion for another time but eventually landed on an iPad and Apple Pencil combo.
Handwriting truly helped me internalize the things I was writing, and for some reason using technology as that medium was what it took to wire my brain. My grades began to improve. Was I the best test taker? Not! But I figured out what it took for my scrambled brain to retain information that mattered to me.
In my last post, I wrote more about what my current digital system looks like, but the handwriting element still plays a big role in it.
Defining Success
So why am I talking about this? Well, over the past month or so, I’ve been reflecting on what my passions are in life. More specifically, I have been searching for careers that include my passions.
By the time I was ready to give up on college, I stopped caring about my grades. It felt like no matter what I did, I could never get what I wanted out of a grade. Once I began to approach lectures like a thought experiment, however, my experience markedly improved. And as an added benefit, so did my grades.
When I wore myself down searching for success, it was nowhere to be found. Only after approaching the issue from another angle (even if I wasn’t aware that that’s what I was doing) was I able to find success.
None of this is to say that success doesn’t require hard work. But there’s a difference between hard work and hard intentional work. If you are preparing for a presentation or test, but your heart isn’t in it, how effective will you truly be? We spend so much time telling ourselves that we just need to “get through this next task” and things will be better after. But isn’t “that next task” just replaced by another?
If we aren’t actively passionate about our daily lives, we should ask ourselves what kind of life are we living. I’ve heard people say that this mindset is too idealistic for the real world, but in my experience, life never gives you a singular way of living. Perhaps that voice telling us it’s too idealistic is similar to the guilt I felt if I wasn’t studying.
Filling in the Difference
My late-night study sessions in the library, while they relieved some of my self-imposed guilt, denied me numerous valuable opportunities during those first two years of college. Once I started doing the things that felt valuable to me, so many doors opened! I met people who have had a dramatic influence on my life, and I discovered more about myself than I ever did trying to remember a Greek poem.
The point is that success is subjective. The world may call you successful, but if you’re miserable, it doesn’t mean anything. I believe success comes once we start living life in a way that we “feel good” about. For me, that lifestyle is filled with friends, family, and of course my favorite tech gadgets.
Until next time,
Jake
Comments